Grief
Author: Jessena Varghese
“Feelings, and feelings, and feelings. Let me try thinking instead” were the words of a distraught C.S. Lewis in his book, A Grief Observed as he was painfully mourning the death of his wife, “H”. Even for C.S. Lewis, it seems that all of his intellect, wisdom, and philosophical language offered no explanation for his painful mourning.
Grief is an abstract, subjective term. There is no linear way of processing or explaining what the universal standard of grief is. There is a plethora of resources that may offer insight including books, blogs (like this one), grief counselors, and grief groups- and yet none of those provide concrete answers to the purpose of individual, familial or collective grief. What one person grieves today may cause sorrow again 30 years down the road. There is no preventative work. Who’s to say whose painful mourning is more painful than others? Does a grieving widow fall higher on the totem pole than the loss of an expectant mother? Does the loss of a beloved job fall shorter than failing to get into the grad program of choice? How can anyone compare the loss of a family dog, with the loss of thousands of dollars invested in the stock market?
Grief is usually coupled with the term loss. Grief and loss. Grief and loss. Kids lose their teddy bear - they experience extreme sadness. Parents file a missing reports on their child - they experience an unfathomable sadness. All valid. All significant. In counseling theory, the simplest way grief is explained is that it comes in five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It’s a basic and nonlinear framework to guide us in living with what we have ultimately lost.
The Bible offers us an explanation to grief as well. It offers us perception into the purpose of grief, but more importantly, that we are allowed to do so. The Lord laments (Matt. 26:36). He wept over Lazarus, he was grieved by the Israelites, he cried over Jerusalem, he cried out to the Father to take his cup from him, and he cried out in sorrow on the cross asking the Father why He had forsaken him.
In our time of sorrow and unbearable grief, the Lord is also in sorrow. His human experience has allowed him to experience grief. He knows because he understands, he understands because he has experienced it. His heart moves with compassion for us (Ps. 86:15).
The greatest moment of mourning came when Jesus, the begotten Son of God, took the sins of the entire world - past, present and future, and laid his life down for it. Whether you or a loved one are facing momentary or lifelong loss, the philosophy of our suffering can only be explained with the theology of the cross. If we want a better idea of how to explain our suffering, let’s meet Jesus at his.
Jesus ultimately set the unequivocal universal standard of grief. He has created us with the ability to weep. Let’s not be afraid to do so. In this we hope, that Jesus resurrected on the third day, and so our joy will also come in the morning.