Grief
Grief
Author: Jessena Varghese
“Feelings, and feelings, and feelings. Let me try thinking instead” were the words of a distraught C.S. Lewis in his book, A Grief Observed as he was painfully mourning the death of his wife, “H”. Even for C.S. Lewis, it seems that all of his intellect, wisdom, and philosophical language offered no explanation for his painful mourning.
Grief is an abstract, subjective term. There is no linear way of processing or explaining what the universal standard of grief is. There is a plethora of resources that may offer insight including books, blogs (like this one), grief counselors, and grief groups- and yet none of those provide concrete answers to the purpose of individual, familial or collective grief. What one person grieves today may cause sorrow again 30 years down the road. There is no preventative work. Who’s to say whose painful mourning is more painful than others? Does a grieving widow fall higher on the totem pole than the loss of an expectant mother? Does the loss of a beloved job fall shorter than failing to get into the grad program of choice? How can anyone compare the loss of a family dog, with the loss of thousands of dollars invested in the stock market?
Grief is usually coupled with the term loss. Grief and loss. Grief and loss. Kids lose their teddy bear - they experience extreme sadness. Parents file a missing reports on their child - they experience an unfathomable sadness. All valid. All significant. In counseling theory, the simplest way grief is explained is that it comes in five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. It’s a basic and nonlinear framework to guide us in living with what we have ultimately lost.
The Bible offers us an explanation to grief as well. It offers us perception into the purpose of grief, but more importantly, that we are allowed to do so. The Lord laments (Matt. 26:36). He wept over Lazarus, he was grieved by the Israelites, he cried over Jerusalem, he cried out to the Father to take his cup from him, and he cried out in sorrow on the cross asking the Father why He had forsaken him.
In our time of sorrow and unbearable grief, the Lord is also in sorrow. His human experience has allowed him to experience grief. He knows because he understands, he understands because he has experienced it. His heart moves with compassion for us (Ps. 86:15).
The greatest moment of mourning came when Jesus, the begotten Son of God, took the sins of the entire world - past, present and future, and laid his life down for it. Whether you or a loved one are facing momentary or lifelong loss, the philosophy of our suffering can only be explained with the theology of the cross. If we want a better idea of how to explain our suffering, let’s meet Jesus at his.
Jesus ultimately set the unequivocal universal standard of grief. He has created us with the ability to weep. Let’s not be afraid to do so. In this we hope, that Jesus resurrected on the third day, and so our joy will also come in the morning.
Fasting: A Biblical Understanding
#1. What is fasting? Fasting is a deliberate abstinence from physical gratification—usually going without food for a period of time— to achieve a greater spiritual goal. Usually it is coupled with prayer.
#2. Does the Bible command us to fast? Although the Bible doesn’t give a direct command on this issue, examples of fasting appear in both the Old and the New Testaments. One of the most telling passages in which fasting is mentioned is Matthew 6:16, where Jesus is teaching His disciples basic principles of godly living. When speaking on fasting, He begins with, “When you fast,” not “If you fast.”
Also, when questioned as to why the Pharisees and the disciples of John the Baptist fasted while Jesus disciples did not, Jesus answered, "How can the guests of the bridegroom mourn while he is with them? The time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; then they will fast” (Matthew 9:15).
#3. Why should I fast? Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in his book The Cost of Discipleship, said, “Jesus takes it for granted that His disciples will observe the pious custom of fasting. Strict exercise of self-control is an essential feature of the Christian life. Such customs have only one purpose — to make the disciples more ready and cheerful to accomplish those things which God would have done.”
#4. Can you show some examples of biblical fasting?
1. To prepare for ministry. Jesus spent forty days and nights in the wilderness fasting and praying before He began God’s work on this earth. He needed time alone to prepare for what His Father had called Him to do (Matthew 4:1-17; Mark 1:12-13; Luke 4:1-14).
2. To seek God’s wisdom. Paul and Barnabas prayed and fasted for the elders of the churches before committing them to the Lord for His service (Acts 14:23).
3. To show grief. Nehemiah mourned, fasted, and prayed when he learned Jerusalem’s walls had been broken down, leaving the Israelites vulnerable and disgraced (Nehemiah 1:1-4).
4. To seek deliverance or protection. Ezra declared a corporate fast and prayed for a safe journey for the Israelites as they made the nine-hundred- mile trek to Jerusalem from Babylon (Ezra 8:21-23).
5. To repent. After Jonah pronounced judgment against the city of Nineveh, the king covered himself with sackcloth and sat in the dust. He then ordered the people to fast and pray. Jonah 3:10 says, “When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, He relented and did not bring on them the destruction He had threatened.”
6. To gain victory. After losing forty thousand men in battle in two days, the Israelites cried out to God for help. Judges 20:26 says all the people went up to Bethel and “sat weeping before the Lord.” They also “fasted that day until evening.” The next day the Lord gave them victory over the Benjamites.
7. To worship God. Luke 2 tells the story of an eighty-four-year-old prophetess named Anna. Verse 37 says, “She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying.” Anna was devoted to God, and fasting was one expression of her love for Him.
8. For understanding (revelation) and humbling. Daniel fasted 21 days for greater understanding and to humble himself before God. (Daniel 10:2-3) In those days I, Daniel, had been mourning for three entire weeks. 3 I ate no tasty food, nor did any meat or wine enter my mouth; and I did not anoint (refresh, groom) myself at all for the full three weeks."
#5. What are the different kinds of fasts in the Bible? Partial fast – Described in the book of Daniel where for three weeks he abstained from “delicacies,” meat, and wine (Daniel 10:3).
Total or Absolute fast – These are total fasts--no food (solid or liquid) and no water. Paul went on an absolute fast for three days following his encounter with Jesus (Acts 9:9). Moses and Elijah engaged in a absolute fast of forty days (Deuteronomy 9:9; 1 Kings 19:8). This kind of fast should be done with great care.
Complete fast – Water fasting, especially when fasting for an extended period of time. Jesus fasted for 40 days without food (Matthew 4:1-11)
#6. Can I do other kinds of fasts? Since fasting is a deliberate abstinence from physical gratification and its purpose is to focus on God, you can fast from all that distract you from God. Media fast is something you can do to focus on God. (I would recommend at least a week of media fast if you desire to do it).
You can do a combination of the above fasts if desired.
#7. What is happening spiritually when I fast? As Paul describes so well in Romans 7, there is a perpetual battle between the flesh and the spirit, and our mind (soul) moderates by making decisions about which call to obey. As human beings, we are mind (soul), body and spirit, but spiritually dead without God. We tend to be pushed around by our fleshly desires. Our flesh is all about our relationship with ourselves and our natural physical cravings, which can become selfish and even destructive when left unchecked. Our mind can overrule our body, and give us the capacity to meaningfully relate to others and the world, while our spirit communes directly with God.
As we fast, we deliberately weaken the powerful bond with our flesh and strengthen our relationship with God, spirit to Spirit. But it is an exchange. There is less of us and more of Him.
#8. Some important things to keep in mind
1. Remember that fasting is always motivated by deep desire. That is to say, fasting is not the suppression of desire but the intense pursuit of it. We fast because we want something more than food or more than whatever activity it is from which we abstain. If one suppresses the desire for food it is only because he or she has a greater and more intense desire for something more precious. Something of eternal value!
2. Fasting is all about ingesting the Word of God, the beauty of God, the presence of God, the blessings of God. Fasting is all about spiritual gluttony! It is not a giving up of food (or some activity) for its own sake. It is about a giving up of food for Christ’s sake.
3. Fasting is not something you do for God. It is instead your appeal that God in grace and power do everything for you. Thus fasting is not an act of willpower but a declaration of weakness. It is not a work of our hearts and bodies but a confession of our utter dependency on God and his grace.
#9. I want to fast!
1. Set your objective. Why are you fasting? Is it for spiritual renewal, for guidance, for healing, for the resolution of problems, for special grace to handle a difficult situation? Ask the Holy Spirit to clarify His leading and objectives for your prayer fast. This will enable you to pray more specifically and strategically. 2. Make your commitment. What kind of fast you are doing and how long you are going to fast. How much time you are going to devote to prayer and meditation of God’s word. 3. Write down your plan and stick to it.
Remember Who You Are
“The first thing that often stops us from progressing in our goals is when our identity is attacked. The enemy will always seek to shake our firm grounding in our God-given identity as a son or daughter. When he succeeds in that, our chances at being successful as a Christ follower tend to diminish. ”
Nelson Solomon
Nothing beats that “new” feeling. You have looked at buying the latest gadget and done all the research. You finally go to the store and you bring the item to checkout.
As the cashier rings up the item and you complete the purchase, the energy and passion inside of you is rising quickly, to the point where you want to shed the cover and get the product in your hands before you reach the car door.
That feeling of a brand new, untouched device, just waiting for new memories and adventures. Untainted by previous efforts. Open to new vision and new ideas.
That’s the feeling that accompanies the dawn of a new year, a new season, a new decade. Every failure and mistake of the last year or decade does not have to define you anymore.
It’s the reason so many start new resolutions and goals on January 1, with new enthusiasm.
But when January 2 hits, or perhaps earlier than that, that “new” feeling can tend to wear off quickly. You are quickly reminded of how you messed up the last time you made an attempt. You are reminded of how everyone has written you off as a failure.
When this inevitable moment hits as a new decade begins, it is absolutely critical that you remember the words of David in Psalm 139:14: “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”
The first thing that often stops us from progressing in our goals is when our identity is attacked. The enemy will always seek to shake our firm grounding in our God-given identity as a son or daughter. When he succeeds in that, our chances at being successful as a Christ follower tend to diminish.
If you are able to accomplish one goal at the beginning of 2020, let it be this: Reaffirm your identity as a son or daughter of the King. And once you succeed at that, seek to strengthen your walk with God and discover your God-given purpose.